You know what you cheap little bastard, it's gotten to the point where I really don't care what you do anymore, so keep reading if you'd like. I don't give a damn about what the hell you do!
--TOGETHER AGAIN--
There we were, all of us, tired and weary from our previous adventure. The sun was setting and so we lit a small fire. We sat around the comforting flames and talked late into the night. We laughed (mostly at Girdle, who had no idea why we were laughing). We talked about our pasts and our futures, and our dreams. Finally, right before we went to bed, Anilla asked us all a question.
"What're your guys personal goals?"
We went around the circle naming off our personal goals.
Stumpy: Right now, I just wanna save
Mary, but sometime, later in life, my goal would be to pleasure and be
pleasured by two hot chicks at once.
Anilla: That's it.
Stumpy (rethinks his first statement): Maybe three at
once.
Anilla: What about you Frostee?
Frostee: My goal would be to one day kill a god.
Anilla: A god?
Frostee: I think it's possible.
Anilla: What about you Girdle?
Girdle: Huh? What'd you say?
Anilla (screaming this time): What are your personal
goals?!
Girdle: Well, I know it sounds far-fetched, but my personal
goal would be to topple the hideously biassed economic system of Fuedalism
that I believe is a plague of our otherwise succesful medieval society. I
think, that maybe a system of Capitalism could be instituted in which we
could place large emphasis on our trade relations with the near and far
east, or, I'd like to own a cute little bunny rabbit named Fluffy le Fluff
Fluff.
Anilla: Interesting... what about you Morpheus?
Time came to a stand-still, my mind asked itself millions of questions; Should I tell her the truth? Should I tell her that my goal was to one day kill Frostee and Girdle and then make passionate love to her? Should I tell her about my deep-rooted feelings for her?
Ok, so my mind asked itself three questions...
Morpheus: Ummmm...I don't really have any
goals.
Anilla: Now that can't be true, you have to have some
personal goals.
Morpheus: Ok, I'll tell you the truth. (Stands, raises his
voice in anger) I'd like to kill Girdle!
Girdle: What'd you say? I can't hear you.
Stumpy: He didn't say anything Girdle. What about your goals
Anilla?
Anilla: I'd like to fall in love with a man, and then someday
marry that man and settle down to a calm country life, you know, maybe
have a few kids, start a home-based business. (Looks at Frostee, then
winks at him).
Frostee: What're you looking at me for?
Anilla: Nevermind.
After this, we all decided to go to sleep in our small tents. Before bed, though, Frostee and Stumpy pulled me aside.
--DEATH FOR HIRE--
"Me and Frostee were thinking..." Stumpy said.
"About what?" I asked.
"We were thinking about how you said you wanted to kill Girdle," Stumpy answered.
"Yeah..." I paused.
"Well, you know, because you are a halfling, we thought that it might be kind of difficult for you to kill him yourself," Frostee explained, "So we thought that we'd offer to do it for you."
"For a marginal fee of course," Stumpy added.
"Really, that's great," I whispered, "What kind of payment were you thinking of?"
"Just a little bit of gold now, you can pay us more later," Stumpy said with a sly smile on his face.
"Can I trust you guys?" I asked cautiously.
"Definitely," they said almost simultaneously.
I stepped into my small tent and pulled out a bag of 50 gold pieces, I handed it to them.
"Is this good for now, if you guys split it up?" I asked.
"This is great," Frostee said. They turned and walked away.
"This is great!" I said to myself once they were out of hearing range, "Maybe I can get Frostee and Stumpy to kill Girdle, and then I can use this situation to my advantage and somehow turn Stumpy against Frostee and kill two bastards with one stone."
--A GOD? I DON'T THINK SO--
The next morning we decided to find the Den of Darkness, where we knew Mary and Naomi were hidden. We packed up all of our supplies and wandered into the rolling grasslands of the Hills of Happiness.
We walked for several hours through the boring town before we heard the voice,
"I'm going to get you guysth!"
We all stopped in our tracks.
"What the hell was that?!" I asked.
We heard the voice again, but this time from a different direction.
"You guysth are all going to die at my handsth."
Slowly the sky was getting darker. The world around us was closing in, something serious was going to happen soon.
"You guysth suck so much, I hate all of you!"
A shadow flashed between two lone trees ahead of us. We gasped. The shadow flashed past again.
"I'm right behind you!"
We turned quickly to find a strange man.
"Fear me!" he said, "For I am WuthyFruit, God of the Pansieth."
"God?" Stumpy asked, "You look just like Sirus."
"Sirusth?" WussyFruit looked around guiltily, "I've never heard of anyone who goesth by that name."
"No really," I said, "Stumpy is right, you look just like Sirus."
WussyFruit was angry now, "I don't know of anyone named Sirusth!"
"You talk like Sirus too..." Frostee obsereved.
"I swear to God that I don't know anyone named Sirusth!" WussyFruit was getting angrier.
"I swear to God that you are lying to us!" Stumpy said smartly.
"Ok," WussyFruit confessed, "I'll tell you the truth, I am Siruth's older brother."
"But, I thought you said that you were a god?" I asked.
"Oh, well, in truth, I'm, Siruth's half brother. We had the same mother, but my father wath a god, and Siruth's father wath just some puthy-whipped lother," WussyFruit explained.
"That would make you a demi-god," Stumpy said.
"Yeth," WussyFruit attempted to cover up his mistake, "but for convienence I call mythelf a god when I am introducing mythelf."
All of us except for Frostee were listening intently. Frostee stood away from the group contemplating something quietly.
"What're you doing, Frostee?" Anilla questioned.
"Oh just thinking..." Frostee answered. He then turned and adressed WussyFruit. "You said you were a god right?"
"Yeth, sort of," WussyFruit said.
"Good, that means that if I kill you then I get a crapload of power, right?" Frostee asked, as he raised his hands, preparing to conjure a fireball and blow WussyFruit away.
WussyFruit stood up and raised his hands in front of his face, "Pleathe don't kill me!" He yelled, "I only have 12 hit..."
FWOOSH!
He didn't finish his sentence, because it is somewhat hard for a charred corpse to talk.
"Yes!" Frostee yelled, "My lifelong goal has been accomplished and now I can feel the immense god-like power surging within me!"
"Frostee!" Girdle screamed, "I was trying to hear his story and then you had to interrupt and kill him didn't you, what was that for?!"
Frostee stepped up onto a large tree stump, he held his hand above his head.
"Worship me you lowly mortals!" He boasted, "For now I am the greatest one of you all!"
"Dude, Frostee!" Stumpy warned, "He wasn't that great, I don't think that you're as powerful as you think."
"Oh, I'll prove it to you!" Frostee said, "I bet that I can jump off of the top of that tree over there and not be hurt at all!"
"Ok Frostee," Stumpy said, "Try it."
Frostee bolted to the tree and quickly climbed up it. He reached the highest branch that would support his weight and prepared to leap from it. We watched eagerly. Frostee let out a scream of power as he leaped off of the tree and fell 50 feet to the ground. Thud! Crack!
"Holy shit! I think I broke my friggin' leg!"
After laughing our asses off we ran over to help Frostee. We found a flattened piece of wood nearby and we laid Frostee on top of it. Stumpy and Anilla picked up the piece of wood and carried Frostee onward.
Eventually we reached the mouth of a great large cave. We all sat down and rested, after healing Frostee's leg of course. We decided to set up camp that night, and the next day we would enter the cave and we would save Mary, and we would succeed, of course, I was overly optimistic...