"Thou shalt readeth the previous stories before continuing, or else thou will be subject to the wrath of God." -The 8th commandment. (Soon after its creation, this commandment was changed to "Thou shalt not steal." by Moses, that cheap bastard.)
Stumpy's Story
Morpheus asked me to write down what happened
to me while I was lost in the desert. So I decided to write what really
happened, contrary to anything Frostee may tell you.
Anilla left me and Frostee chained together at the ankles, after I
sexually pleased her of course, in the desert, and that is where my
trouble started, because Frostee is a big pussy who screams and cries
whenever he sees the wussiest of creatures. So I knew that I would end up
protecting Frostee throughout our whole journey, which I did.
Soon after Anilla walked out on us we stood up and immediately argued
about which way we should go. We walked a ways through the desert, then we
came to a strange out of place sign. It read,
"Go to the left if you'd like to die...Go to the right if you'd like to survive."
"We should go to the right so that we can survive," I suggested to Frostee.
"No! Because I want to be stupid and kill the both of us so I am going to the right!" Frostee replied.
Eventually I knocked Frostee out and dragged him along with me to the left. Soon we came upon a large cave. We stepped up to the door and saw a message that told us to say "open sesame" to open the door.
"You say it," I told Frostee.
"No! Because I am a gigantic pansy! What if there is a big scary monster on the other side of that door, you would have to protect me like you always do," Frostee whined. Frostee is such a cock!
We eventually got into the cave, all because
of me, and then we saw a monster, but I killed it. Frostee just stood
there screaming like a pansy. After I killed the creature I noticed a
chest on the opposite side of the room. I went to the chest and opened it.
Inside was a dark cloak. I put it on, then Frostee started bitching at me
about something but I was ignoring him because I was too busy thinking
about how perfect I am.
Then Frostee did something that knocked me unconcious. When I woke
up, I was here.
I think Frostee molested me when I was unconcious.
Frostee's Story
Ha ha ha ha ha! I just read Stumpy's story and it is full of so many lies! I'll write what really happened.
After Anilla left us, Stumpy pulled off his pants and started masturbating. I tried not to look. I finally convinced Stumpy to stop masturbating and to get up and follow me into the desert. We walked for a while until we came to a signpost. It read,
"Go to the left if you'd like to die...Go to the right if you'd like to survive."
"Let's go left!" Stumpy yelled.
"No you moron we're going to go right...or we'll die!" I yelled to Stumpy.
"No! I want to go to the left because I'm a big stupid masturbating moron!" Stumpy whined.
I punched Stumpy in the face and I kicked him in the balls and then I dragged him to the right with me. We followed a path for several hours until we came to a large cave. The cave was blocked by a large wooden door. On the stone wall next to the cave was the scrawled message "Open sesame." I read the passage aloud and the door of the cave opened. Then, just for fun, I scrawled the words "Hastur. Hastur. Hastur." directly below the previous message.
We entered the cave. Before us was a great hallway, in the middle of the hallway was a large statue of a key, on the other side of the hallway was a large door.
"That key's not as big as my penis!" Stumpy said randomly.
I punched him in the face.
I went to the key and saw another message on it, this message read, "I command you to open!"
The locked door slid open. Yet again I knelt down and scribbled the name of the unspeakable demon 3 times directly below it. We went through the door and now we were in a small room in which there was a large chest.
"That chest is not as big as my penis!" Stumpy mentioned his genitals again.
I went over to the chest and tried to open it. The lid wouldn't budge. I stepped back and readied my fireball.
"Frostee, don't fireball it!" Stumpy yelled, "I have a key right here."
I stopped. Stumpy stepped to the chest and opened it. Inside was a cloak, a Cloak of the Evil Arch-Magi, one of the greatest most powerful articles of clothing ever, other than an Old Navy long sleeved yellow fleece sweater...
Stumpy grabbed the cloak and started to put it on.
"Don't do that!" I warned.
"Why not?" Stumpy asked, "Are you trying to trick me so that you can have it?"
"No," I told him, "Only evil mages can wear that cloak."
"How stupid do you think I am!" Stumpy raised his voice, "Obviously you are trying to trick me, because you're an evil mage!"
"I swear, Stumpy, you don't want to put that on!" I was telling the truth.
"I'm not going to believe a word you say!" Stumpy put the cloak on. Almost immediately he began spasming, then he was out cold. The cloak was destroyed. I picked up Stumpy's body and carried him out of the cave.
I walked all the way here, and then I sat down, and then you came running out of the forest...
P.S. Don't tell Stumpy but I snuck a little peek at his (you know) while he was knocked out. I had to see if he was telling the truth! He wasn't...