I swear, if you haven't read the first stories, and you continue on, a small demon from hell named Rob will enter into your house, rearrange your living room, and spray vanilla scented air freshener everywhere.
Girdle's Story
So Morpheus told me to write down what happened to me when I was split up from the rest of the party. I'm not very well at writing, which is ironical because I am a monk, and because they are perfect, monks have to do a lot of writing, so here it goes anyway.
I woke up in the desert and it was dark. I looked down and saw that I was naked. So I looked around for my clothes. I saw them behind a large group of strange looking plants. I went over to the plants and I dove in to get my clothing, but the monstrous plants came to life and started attacking me. I fought them off with my awesome fists of monk fury, but they wouldn't go away, so I grabbed my clothes and got out of there.
It was still really cold, oh yeah, because I hadn't put my clothes on yet, so I stopped and put my clothes on. Then I kept walking, then I got hungry so I sat down and ate. The I got up and I walked some more, then I saw a cave.
I walked up to the cave but a big door blocked the entrance. I sat down and started sleeping because I couldn't figure out what to do. Then I heard the voice of God speak down to me, he said,
"Girdle, oh great and wonderful dumbass, look around the door for your key to get in!"
So I looked around the door, but all that I found was a couple messages scratched on the stone. I didn't see a key so I just sat back down. Then the voice of God came back to me and this time he said,
"Girdle, maybe one of the messages on the stone is the password to get into the cave...did you ever wonder that?"
So I got back up and I picked out one of the messages. I decided to read it outloud and maybe the door would open, so I read the message aloud.
"Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!" I yelled.
Suddenly I heard this strange noise, then I saw three really weird creatures in front of me. Just then a big lightning bolt came down and killed all of them. God spoke again.
"Girdle, I saved you this time dumbass, but you only get one chance, now try a different message!"
So I read another meassage aloud.
"Open....how do you say this word again?" I asked God.
"You say sesame, sesame!!!"
"And how do I say this word?"
"That's open, you already said that one!"
"And how do I say this word?"
"Girdle, there's only two words there!"
"I don't get what you're saying..."
"Just say the word 'open', then say the word 'sesame' ."
"Uhhhhhhhh...."
"Screw it, I'll say it for you. OPEN SESAME!"
Then the door opened and God said one last thing, "You are so going to die!"
So I went into the cave.
There before me was a large hallway. At the far end of the hallway was a big door, and in the center of the hallway was a big statue of a key. I ran to the door and I tried to open it, there was a big lock on it. I looked everywhere for a key but I couldn't find one. So I sat down and started scratching my head. Then I heard the voice of God again...he talks alot.
"Girdle! You are the stupidest person that I've ever seen and I should kill you now! But that would destroy the oppurtunity for you to come into many more perilous situations in which somehow your awesome stupidity saves you. Without those situations, this story would be screwed. So I'll help you again. Look on the statue of the key. Read the message there. Got it!"
I nodded. Then I went over to the statue and looked around it, I saw the message and I read it aloud.
"HASTUR! HASTUR! HASTUR!"
Suddenly this big evil demon creature appeared before me. He yelled some stuff at me but I didn't listen. I just ran across the room to the big locked door. I tried to open it but it wouldn't budge. I decided to attempt to pick locks on the door. I tried once and failed, so I thought that I should try again. Finally, after 12 tries, I got the door open, but by this time I had been so badly hurt by that mean demon guy that I could barely move. Then I saw a figure come from the ceiling. The figure was clothed completely in white and had a glowing golden ring resting on his head.
"Who the hell are you?!" I asked.
The figure spoke, "I am God you stupid frickin' idiot! And I'm here to save your dumbass!" Then the white figure picked me up and carried me out of the room. He then turned back and killed the big evil demon guy, then he rose into the ceiling and dissapeared.
I looked around the new room that I was in. There was a big treasure chest on a pedestal, above the chest was a plaque. I read the plaque aloud,
"Read this plaque aloud to open the chest.
'By the power of the good and holy I command this chest to open. Hastur. Hastur. Hastur. Hastur.'
If you read the 'Hastur, Hastur, Hastur' part then you are stupid!"
Suddenly the same mean demon guy appeared again, and this time he looked pretty pissed. I ran away from the monster but I ran right into a wall. Luckily the wall was some kind of special door and I fell into another room. The door shut behind me and the monster angrily slammed against it, but he couldn't get through. I heard the monster yell something from behind the door.
"Hey monk! If you were nice, then you'd yell 'Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!' for me. If you do then I'll give you a reward."
"Okay," I answered, "Hastur! Hastur! Has--"
"STOP IT YOU MORON!!!" The voice of God came from nowhere again, "Girdle, I swear to uh - myself that someday you are going to die a horrible miserable death at the hand of your own stupidity."
"That's great God," I said, ignoring him, "Get me out of here!"
Then I was teleported to here, and I fell asleep, then I heard you guys and I woke up, and then it was now...That's my story.