Before reading this, I suggest you take the time to read the first adventure so that you can get a feel of the stories and of the personalities of the characters. Or, if you want to be a dumbass you can just keep reading.
--ARRIVAL--
There we were in the great Large Central City.
Two of our party members were unconcious, and so our first order of
business was to get them to an inn and let them regain their health. So we
stopped at the first inn we found, Mary's Tavern for the Mentally
Deranged. Too bad we didn't read the sign before we decided to stay there.
Well, Mary, the owner of the tavern, was a woman.
Thus, Stumpy made it his personal goal to get down and dirty with her.
Right after we got Frostee and Girdle into bed to heal their wounds, both
inflicted by the stupidity of Girdle, Stumpy decided to hit on Mary. Here
is basically how their conversation went.
Stumpy: (Casually walks to the bar where Mary is working)
You know, my second arm may be somewhat short, but my third leg is long
enough to please you.
Mary: Oh really, is it long enough for me to wrap around your
neck and choke you with it.
Stumpy: If that's what you're into baby.
Mary: Well, you seem somewhat desperate, so I'll take you
upstairs and see what you got.
Stumpy: Great.
Mary: Uh, I might need to warn you of one thing...
Stumpy: What's that.
Mary: uhh.....
Stumpy: Well hurry up, you're cutting in to our upstairs
time!
Mary: I'm a blood-sucking demon from hell, sent here by Satan
to rid the world of all humans. Are you ok with that? Stumpy: Will
you sleep with me?
Mary: Yes.
Stumpy: Ok, then that demon thing is all right with me, now
come on!
(Stumpy and Mary dart upstairs)
That night, after Stumpy and Mary were done, we decided to visit this
new outdoor theater where we would be performing for two nights. Naomi, to
our surprise, suggested it. That night about an hour before sunset we
traveled across town to the large stage.
--A WOMAN FOR US TO FIGHT OVER--
The first thing I saw was her, she was sitting in
the theater supervising a crew of workers who were putting the finishing
touches on the brand new stage. When she noticed us enter she quickly came
over to us.
"Hello, my name is Anilla, I'll be your concert supervisor for
the next two nights," she said introducing herself. She probably said
more after that but I wasn't listening, I was too busy being hypnotized by
her gorgeous, perfectly sculpted ... you know.
"Girdle, what did she say?" I whispered to Girdle. He did
not respond, for he was also too busy checking her out. Stumpy didn't
respond either. Neither did Naomi. I turned to Sirus, he was also
occupied, but he was just staring at some stupid squirrel. Anilla smiled
that gorgeous smile one last time and said something about how she had to
go help the titties, with the construction of the breasts.
After Anilla was out of hearing range, Stumpy commented on her...you
knows.
"Damn, she had some nice...you knows!"
"Sirus," I called to Sirus, who was now fascinated with a
cricket, "What's wrong with you?"
"What do you mean?" Sirus questioned.
"I mean," I continued, "there was a gorgeous woman
just standing here, and you were the only one of us who wasn't even
slightly interested in her!"
"What about Frostee?" He questioned. I looked over to
Frostee, who was sitting on the ground burning helpless insects with a
magnifying glass,
"Frostee doesn't count." I said.
"Well, I'm just interested in other things," Sirus mumbled.
He ran in the direction of a small bird he had just seen.
My eyes focused yet again on Anilla, standing there commanding her
army of carpenters. She was hot, she was perfect. Then I notcied, Girdle
was staring at her too. Girdle and I looked eachother in the eye and spoke
simultaneously,
"She's mine!"
Ok, so I wanted to kill Girdle again.
--FROSTEE GETS SOMETHING TO DO--
The next afternoon Anilla came to Stumpy asking
of a favor. She wanted Stumpy to give something to do, so he would stop
killing so many helpless insects. Stumpy being the lazy little sexaholic
he was, he told Girdle to think of something for Frostee to do. That was a
big mistake.
Girdle went to Frostee and said, "Frostee, we need to make a big
impression with our first concert, so I'm putting you in charge of special
effects for tonights concert."
Frostee could not have had a better opportunity to create the largest
fireball in history. In one instant, Frostee would change the course of
one city's history. He didn't really care about the long term consequences
of his stunts, he just wanted to have some fun. Thus, Frostee began his
plans for the largest effect ever. He decided that if at one time he had
several of his evil mage friends cast 30 magic missiles into the air while
he sprayed fire over the heads of the audience, it would be the coolest
effect ever.
--LARGE CENTRAL CITY, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?--
There we were, the Gary Jackson Memorial Outdoor
Amphitheatre, where we would be playing a concert for over 20 screaming
fans. While our band may seem like the greatest, because I'm in it, our
music is actually pretty crappy. Considering the fact that Stumpy can't
play because he has one arm, and I can't play because I'm shorter than my
guitar, and Girdle only plays wildly because he's half deaf and he can't
even tell what he's playing, and Frostee just plays when he gets tired of
destroying things, which is rare. Thus our music consists of wild drum
beats with occasional guitar riffs, while Stumpy just wakes up some words
and sings them. We took our places on the stage and Stumpy stepped up to
the microphone.
"Large Central City," he yelled, "Are you ready to
ROCK?!"
At that moment Frostee gave the signal to his crew, who were standing
on the sides of the stage ready to let loose. In an instant the night sky
was as bright as daylight as 30 magic missiles flew into the audience. It
was spectacularly beautiful, except to the audience members.
Then a great fireball swept across the audience, charring the front
row of people who had attended. Slowly the entire theater caught fire as
the audience paniced and ran like animals. The only problem was that the
designers of the theater were stupid enough to build only one exit.
"Guess not." Stumpy answered his own question.
Frostee was laughing maniacally.
"Frostee, you dumbass!" Stumpy yelled, "At least wait
until we pass the donation cup before you demolish everyone!"
Girdle was still drumming madly. He didn't even notice the massacre.
"Girdle!" I yelled, "The show's over!" Girdle
still drummed madly. So we left him there and the rest of us went to a
bar.
--SHE LOVES ME? SHE LOVES ME NOT?--
There in the bar, we continuously kicked Frostee
in his ass, but he didn't care, for he had completed his goal of killing a
large group of people at once.
"I can't believe it!" Sirus said, "Frostee must've
killed at least three-hundred cute little animals in that fireball!"
"Sirus," I said, "at least one-thousand people died in
that theater tonight, how could you be stupid enough to...breasts,
breasts!"
Anilla had just walked in. I walked over to her and sat down with
her.
"I have to tell you something," she said.
My heart jumped. Was she finally professing her love for me?
"I have to tell you something too," I added, "but you
can go first.
"I think I'm in love with..." My heart was racing at a
million miles an hour. Anilla was going to tell me that her beautiful
self, with those beautiful breasts, was in love with me!
She continued, "I think I'm in love with Frostee!"
SONUVABITCH!!!
That's what I thought, but I didn't say it like that I spoke in
another language, a language of lies. Here is what I said. Translations of
my speech are in italics and perintheses.
Morpheus: That's interesting... (SONUVABITCH!)
Anilla: Yes, I know.
Morpheus: Why do you think you like him? (What kind of
drugs are you on you little whore!)
Anilla: I just think a person with that much power is just so
HOT!
Morpheus: I understand. (I don't understand.)
Anilla: He's just so calm and cool and, and...
Morpheus: Mysterious? (Homosexual?)
Anilla: Would you please tell him that I have feelings for
him.
Morpheus: Sure. (Over my dead body!)
Anilla: What were you going to say?
Morpheus: Oh I was just going to ask you about my problems
with a woman. (I was just going to ask you out, but that's before
you decided to break my poor defenseless heart you little backstabbing
slut, you are just sooo.........uhhhhhhhhh, breasts, sweet supple
breasts!)
Anilla: Thanks for your help.
Morpheus: Anytime. (Go to Hell!)
Dammit, now I had to kill two seperate people. Both of whom were
trying to steal my sweet lady, and her sweet supple....you knows.